Having a child is one of life’s most incredible experiences. It is also one of the most challenging situations that come with mood swings and psychological changes.

If you’re a new mother who has been experiencing low self-esteem, you’re not alone. A group of researchers recently took a look at why new mothers experience low self-esteem and dissatisfaction with their romantic relationships.

Analyzing data from over 80,000 Norwegian mothers, the researchers uncovered some significant patterns that represented how pregnancy and motherhood changes a woman’s attitude about herself and her partner.

The Self-Esteem Roller Coaster Ride

The study found that women’s self-esteem comes and goes. During pregnancy, a woman may experience a dip in her self-esteem. However, once the baby is born, her self-esteem begins to rise again. But only for a short time, then it dips again, only this time the dip is more gradual but prolonged.

Relationships Take a Hit as Well

New mothers don’t seem to be excited by their romantic relationships either! The researchers found that during pregnancy, first-time mothers tend to be very satisfied with their romantic relationships. However, once the baby is born, these same mothers experience a gradual decline in relationship satisfaction over the next few years.

The pattern is fairly similar for mothers having their second, third or fourth child. Though a bit less pronounced than new mothers, experienced moms gradually become less and less satisfied with their relationships once the baby is born.

The biggest takeaway from the study is that self-esteem and relationship satisfaction are definitely linked. While the researchers did not uncover exact mechanisms for these mental health changes, we can safely surmise a fluctuation in hormones and a big lack of quality sleep most likely contribute.

Having said that, motherhood is hard enough without having to battle low self-esteem and relationship dissatisfaction. Here are some things you can do:

Have Realistic Expectations

New mothers have an idea of what motherhood will be like, Sadly, they’ve gotten this idea from Hollywood and Madison Avenue. The reality is, motherhood is not one big bouquet of flowers. In fact, at the very beginning, all you may really notice are the big, prickly thorns. Later, once the baby sleeps through the night and stops waking you every two hours, you may notice how lovely the roses smell.

All of this is to say you have got to have realistic expectations. Breastfeeding may not come naturally to you – and that’s okay. You may not like your baby at first – and that’s okay. You may not feel like you know what you’re doing most of the time – and that’s okay. In fact, all of these things are perfectly normal.

Setting unrealistic expectations for yourself as a mother will only cause your self-esteem to take a nosedive. Don’t try and be the perfect mother, they don’t exist (sorry Mom). Just try and do your best and enjoy the experience as best you can.

Don’t Compare Yourself to Other Mothers

Nothing pokes at our self-esteem quite like unfair comparisons. If you’re a brand-spanking-new mother, it is hardly fair to compare yourself to someone who’s been doing it awhile. So what if your sister, who’s on her third child, makes motherhood seem like a breeze AND bakes her own scones? She’s had time to practice, you haven’t.

While it’s fine to seek advice from other moms, never make comparisons or you’ll just set yourself up to feel badly about your own mothering abilities.

Consider Couples Counseling

If your relationship has taken a hit, it’s important that you and your partner try and reconnect. This is sometimes easier said than done, which is why seeking the guidance of a therapist is often the best way to heal the relationship.

A therapist can help the two of you communicate respectfully and effectively, something that’s not always easy when you’re both averaging 3 hours of sleep per night!

If you are interested in exploring treatment options, please get in touch with me. I would be happy to discuss how I may be able to help.

The birth of a child can be one of the most wonderful, amazing, and joyous experiences of a woman’s life. It can also be incredibly emotional and challenging, particularly if the new mother is dealing with any mental health issues. These can make it difficult to bond with her baby and feel okay and competent as a mother.

A woman may have struggled with her mental health before becoming pregnant and giving birth. She may have been in treatment for anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, or obsessive-compulsive disorder. She may have stopped taking medication during pregnancy and while she breastfeeds for the safety of her baby.

A new mother may also experience the “baby blues” or full-on postpartum depression (PPD). Both are caused by a sudden and dramatic decrease in hormones. While the baby blues is milder and only lasts for a couple of weeks, PPD can be much more aggressive and last for months. Mothers who suspect they are suffering from PPD are advised to seek treatment.

The Powerful Mother-Child Bond

The importance of forming an intimate bond between mother and baby cannot be overstated. The quality of this early relationship can have lasting effects on a child’s development, including socio-emotional adaptation, cognitive development, and language development.

When a mother is struggling with mental health issues, it impedes her ability to bond with and care for her baby. Depression and anxiety can result in a woman feeling disconnected from her new child.

The physical symptoms that often accompany mental health issues can also make it incredibly difficult to form a quality relationship with a new child. Women who experience everything from panic attacks to an inability to concentrate to profound exhaustion may find they have little energy to give to bonding with their baby.

Mental health issues can affect a mother’s perceptions, sensitivity an ability to interpret and respond to her baby’s signals. This decreased emotional involvement and responsiveness from the mother can lead to disrupted attachment and mental, social and emotional problems for the child later in life.

Treatment Can Help

The good news is therapy can help mothers struggling with mental health issues. By getting treatment you will have the tools and resources needed to take back control of your life.

If you’re a new mother who is currently struggling and are interested in exploring treatment, please contact me today. I would be happy to speak with you about how I may be able to help.

It’s a few days after you’ve given birth, the celebratory phone calls are still coming in all you feel is sadness all the way down to your gut. Although the emotions are unexpected and less than welcome, postpartum depression can be common among new mothers. Up to one in seven women experience PPD after their first child even though it might be the first episode of depression they’ve experienced in their life.

It’s important to remember how much the body changes during pregnancy and immediately after. Postpartum, a hormone imbalance can occur due to losing built up levels of progesterone right after birth, leaving high levels of estrogen and the mental and physical symptoms that accompany the imbalance. Previous experiences or diagnosis’ of depression can also be a risk factor that can lead to new episodes surfacing.

Aside from the physical risk factors of PPD forming, one of the biggest factors is that mothers are overwhelmed by the new challenges of motherhood and having to be physically responsible for a new life. PPD challenges can increase with breastfeeding difficulties and by having a demanding baby. Challenges like these can make you feel as if you’re not connecting with your child and exacerbate symptoms.

For many, the emotions vary from anxiety to depression, anger and resentment towards the child and family. You might fear the idea of not being a good enough mother for your child or might feel that your newborn is taking your time away from other people that you should be spending time with.

Symptoms can start a few days after birth, and last days, weeks, or longer depending on how long it goes untreated. As with other things like PPD, symptoms vary and can be highly unique to you. PPD is treatable with individual counseling, therapy, and medication, like other forms of depression. Medication usually involves anti-depressants which can take a few weeks to become effective in regulating mood.

Many women find strength in connecting with other mothers who also share their experiences. Finding others who have also experienced PPD can help shrink feelings of isolation and bring a degree of normalcy back to your life.

If you or your partner is struggling with PPD, please contact me today as therapy can be immensely helpful. Remember that experiences of PPD can be very unique and it’s important to address how you’re feeling with a professional, even if you think they might not understand.

Being a stay-at-home mom can be very rewarding, but also incredibly challenging. There’s the guilt about not bringing home a paycheck combined with, at times, significant loneliness. If you’ve ever felt joy when a salesman shows up unannounced at your front door, you know what I’m talking about! OMG! An adult to talk to during the day! (Right? lol).

Here are three emotional challenges that come along with being a stay-at-home mom and how you can overcome them.

1. The Frustration of Not Finishing What You Start

Before you became a mom, you were always on top of things. Not only did you work full time, you also managed to keep the house clean and have the laundry done as well.

Now it seems like you can’t finish one project.

There are always dirty dishes in the sink, laundry is clean but sitting in the drier becoming more and more wrinkled, cheerios adorn every flat surface of your once pristine car, and your family is subsisting on frozen pizzas because grocery shopping is often too much to handle.

It’s perfectly normal for mothers, especially new mothers, to constantly need to shift the hierarchy of their priority list.

Consider working with friends on larger projects you could use help with. If you need to completely clean out and reorganize the garage before summer, when bikes and kayaks and other sporting equipment must be accessible, call up a friend or two for help. You’ll get the job done faster and have some much-needed adult time.

Also, see if a friend or family member can watch the kids while you spend an hour or two a week grocery shopping. This will help you stock up on the supplies you need for the week, and also give you some time to be all by yourself!

And finally, see if you can get up before your children. Even an extra half hour in the morning will help you accomplish one extra task a day, and that will make you feel great (A lot easier said than done, though, especially if you have a newborn).

2. Isolation and Boredom

You were once surrounded by people in your office, cracking jokes and giving presentations in a plush conference room. Now you spend most days looking for socks and having full-on conversations with yourself. Out loud.

Being a stay-at-home mom can be incredibly isolating. And, though raising children is, on one hand, very rewarding, if we’re going to be honest, there are plenty of days when the boredom is mind-numbing.

Though it isn’t always easy finding time to nurture your social needs, it’s important that you make socializing a priority. Plan regular grown-up gatherings. Take a class once a week, or even a couple of times a month. Walk around the neighborhood every night with a friend. It’s great to get together with other stay-at-home moms. Not only can you have fun, but you can support each other as well.

3. Questioning Your Parenting Skills

Stay-at-home moms eat, sleep, and breathe being a parent. There is almost no break from it, which makes it very easy to become somewhat obsessed and begin to question every parenting decision you make.

Connecting with other stay-at-home moms, whether in person or in a chat room, will help you gain perspective on your situation. Also, when you begin to worry and obsess over a recent decision you’ve made, step back and look at the bigger picture. Instead of always asking, “Did I do this or that right,” begin asking, “Is my family happy and healthy?” If you can answer yes to those second questions, then you KNOW you’re doing plenty right!

Sometimes, talking with a neutral third party, like a family therapist, can help you gain perspective on your life and how being a stay-at-home mom is affecting you on a day-to-day basis. If you’re interested in talking with someone, please contact me today. I would be happy to speak with you about how I may be able to help.